Many parents have this complain that their kids never listen to them. Be it toddlers or the grown up ones, listening to instructions is a tough task for them and these kids take delight in turning a deaf ear to their parents.
If go by the words of child experts, kids tend to neglect the instructions given to them by parents because of the mode of communication.
Yes, this may surprise you a bit but your way of communication with kids has a great impact on how they respond back to you.
How your mode of communication plays a vital role?
Mostly, parents use three modes of communication with kids. The first one happens to be the aggressive tone; parents who use this mode believe in yelling and shouting at kids. They think that it’s the only way of making kids listen and follow the instructions as given.
Second comes the passive mode, wherein parents act overly sweet with their tone and when they fail to get the desired response from kids, they often turn to aggression mode.
The third one happens to be the most important and in fact, the most sensible one. It’s the assertive way of communication. This mode stands to be firm, reliable, understandable positive, affectionate and convincing. The child is persuaded to listen to his parents and understand the instructions as given. If you want your child to listen to you then you’ll have to bring necessary changes in your mode of communication.
Here check out these tips that can make you deal with a child who doesn’t listen to you.
1. Use a positive tone
Your tone matters a lot; most kids will ignore your statements if you happen to yell or shout. Using negative words as ‘Don’t’, ‘Won’t; etc. make the child turn away from the instructions given. You will have to turn positive with your tone and give instructions in a positive manner. The child shouldn’t feel it as a compulsion. You must instruct him as ‘Please, keep your books in an order; it will make your table look better’.
2. Address the child by his name
Yes, it does have an impact. If you tell your child ‘pick up that toy’, he may not necessarily bother to turn his head and pay attention to what you are telling. But if you give the same instruction addressing your child with his name, chances are high for your child to carry out the work as assigned. Experts state that be it kids or adults, when they are addressed by their names, they tend to give more attention.
3. Check your volume
Next thing that you have to check is your volume. It shouldn’t be too high or too low. If it gets too high, your child will take it as yelling and may act rebellious by not listening to you. If it’s too low, child may take it for granted. Keep your volume commanding enough so that the child knows you are pretty much serious about what you are telling him!
4. Keep your command gentle yet firm
When you give an instruction to your child, you need to sound firm and kind at the same time. As we pointed out, kids tend to overrule the instructions given to them when they want to show their control. And this mostly happens when they feel they are being forced or compelled to do something unwillingly. Make sure your command sounds genuine and has a sense of priority in it.
5. Instruct, don’t ask
If you are going to frame your instructions as ‘Can you clean your table’? or ‘Can you pick up the toys’?; a child who loves overruling instructions would never really say Yes to any of your instructions. So rather than asking, just tell them. Frame your sentences as ‘Please pick up the toys’.
6. Give one instruction at a time
Kids who generally have a tough time listening to your instructions or following your command, never really get to comprehend multiple instructions. If you feel your child can’t manage multiple set of instructions, just give him one instruction at a time. It would be easier for him to understand and carry out the task with ease.
7. Design consequences
A child certainly needs to be aware of the consequences he may have to face in case the instruction as given isn’t carried out. And again, when designing the consequences, keep physical punishment or scolding out of the list. Design consequences that your child would never like to face as not getting to watch his favorite TV show for a day or for a week, no play time with friends or doing some other chore at home.
8. Appreciate positive behavior
If your child is making efforts to follow your instructions, do appreciate the same. Praise him often to show that his behavior is being noticed and it’s making you happy. Tell him some nice words as ‘You are a good boy as you keep your study table so clean’ or ‘I can see how much efforts you took in arranging the toys, they look so nice’.
9. Always be clear with your instructions
Give clear and precise instructions so that the child understands them all at one go. If you aren’t clear what you want from the child, you will have to repeat it again and again. So be clear with your words at the first place only. If you want him to clean his room, be clear that he needs to arrange everything in the room in order.
10. Keep the distractions away
Kids tend to ignore your instructions when their attention is occupied by something else like TV, mobile phone, game or any gadget. When giving instructions, ensure that you keep these distractions away so that you have your child’s full attention.
Making your child listen to you isn’t much of a difficult task provided you stand clear of your communication mode. As said in the beginning too, an assertive tone is very important and it does have a positive impact on the child.